A Day at the Deli
by jazdia
Summary: Someone in the Burg has an interesting day.


Author's Note: Be warned! This is a story that that is not my standard type of story, except for (hopefully!) the humor. I've rated it mature because of the subject matter. And, at the end of the story is a true fact that I found out while doing research! Ahem. Not personally. My husband and I will have our 25th anniversary next month! Enjoy, and please review.

Olivia Giovinchinni was bored. At 24 years old, she didn't mind that she was still working in her family's delicatessen, but she normally worked as the front cashier. Today, her mother wanted her to work in the meat case, instead of her brother Max. And, so now, Olivia was thinking that maybe she wanted more out of life than meat and cheese.

At noon, she noticed that more women were coming by the meat case, and some were actually giggling. Her first such customer was Mary Lou Stankovich. She knew Mrs. Stankovich well, since they normally shared some good natured local news when Olivia was at the check-out counter. Most of the time, the news centered on Mary Lou's best friend, Stephanie Plum. Olivia was always fascinated at how exciting Stephanie's life seemed to be and lived vicariously through what little information she heard.

Typically, Mary Lou had a list that she used to make her selections at the meat counter, but today, she was looking at the sausages in a different way. She almost seemed to be blushing as she asked Olivia for a foot of sausage. Olivia questioned if she wanted a pound, but Mary Lou insisted that she wanted a foot of sausage, along with two large crab cakes in the fish display. Olivia pulled out the yardstick, measured and cut the sausage, then weighed and put a price sticker on the bag with the sausage. She weighed and priced out the crab cakes as well. She then handed the bags to Mary Lou, who thanked her and went to check out, pushing the cart with a wiggle in her step.

Olivia then waited on several elderly widows, Mabel Stone and Myrtle Polanski, who smacked their dentures as they decided on their purchase, deciding on 15 inches and 9 inches of sausage, respectively. They looked at the crab cakes, but decided to buy a half pound of ground sausage each. Olivia weighed and bagged each selection. The ladies thanked her and whispered their way to the front of the store. Olivia thought she heard Mrs. Stone say "We're shoo-ins to win!"

Shaking her head, she wiped down the counter and then helped more ladies every few minutes. Business had picked up and she was no longer bored, but Olivia's curiosity was in overdrive, wondering what was happening in the Burg and what her mother knew about it.

Valerie Kloughn walked past the counter, looked around at the aisles, and then came back to the meat counter. "I'd like 6, no, 7 inches of sausage, please," she whispered. Olivia just looked at Valerie.

"I'm sorry. How much did you want?"

Valerie blushed crimson and then cleared her throat. "Seven inches of sausage, please," she stated in a normal tone. "That has to be the right length. After all, Albert is only…" She stopped and looked up at Olivia. "Never mind."

"Of course." Olivia kept glancing at Valerie while she measured and weighed. She handed the bag to Valerie, who marched to the front of the store, holding her head high and straightforward.

As the time for school to end neared, work slowed again, as most of their customers were stay-at-home mothers. Olivia wondered, for what seemed to her to be the fiftieth millionth time, if she was ready to commit to getting married and having children. She loved her boyfriend, Hal, and she enjoyed spending time with her nieces and nephews. But, she wanted to live life before she settled down. Travel the world, or at least outside of the Burg, and farther than Point Pleasant or the Pine Barrens. Live an exciting life. Be more than just a cashier. She was proud of her parents for keeping their business open for so many years and especially in such a tough economy. She was scared to openly admit to anyone that the two women who she admired most in the community were Robin Russell and Stephanie Plum. Officer Russell was friendly when she shopped, and respected by everyone who knew her. She was helpful and brave, and the community was better for having her as a police officer. Ms. Plum was the source of most of the gossip in town, but for Olivia's generation, there was more envy than disapproval. No matter what happened to her, she always bounced back. She was always respectful to her skips, who were mostly people who had made a bad judgment call and were too embarrassed to show up in court. And, she was pretty without being rude about it, unlike Joyce Barnhart.

Connie Rossolli strolled up around 4:30, accompanied by her co-worker, Lula. Lula was the most noticeable, wearing a tiger-print stretch shirt with bright lemon hot pants and 5 inch tiger-striped heels. Connie looked even more like Betty Boop than usual, wearing a polka dotted dress. They both looked at the sausages and fanned themselves with their hands. "We want two feet of sausage," declared Lula.

"I want a foot and a half," Connie stated. Both Lula and Olivia looked at her.

"After so many years of my previous profession, I think I know what's what," declared Lula to Connie.

Connie again stated, "A foot and a half, please," to Olivia. She glared at Lula. "I knew him first."

Lula slapped her hand against the counter. "Fine, then I want eight inches. I'm not going to embarrass White Girl."

Connie looked at Lula in disbelief. "When are you not embarrassing Stephanie?"

Lula took a step back and waved her hand in front of Connie. "Hello? Me and White Girl are best friends, and I do right by my friends." She looked at Olivia. "Isn't that meat ready yet?"

Olivia handed her the package and then handed Connie hers. Lula walked off, muttering aloud. Connie shook her head and followed behind.

At 5:30, Edna Mazur walked up to the counter. She was dressed up in a pink dress with her permed hair having a pink tint. "Busy day?" she asked.

Olivia smiled, "Yes, it has been. How can I help you?"

"Got any sausage left?" Edna almost cackled.

Olivia nodded and grinned. "it's been a busy day for sausage, Mrs. Mazur. Do you know why?" she asked.

Edna laughed. "Sure do. Can you keep a secret?"

Olivia nodded

"Today's my granddaughter's bridal shower!" Edna beamed.

"That's right," Olivia said. "I heard that Stephanie was engaged to that security guy." She had never seen Edna look so proud.

"My baby granddaughter did well. I always call him 'the package', because it looks like he has a great one." She laughed. "So, I thought I'd liven up the party with a new game. Guess the size of 'the package' and you win a prize. Not that I think he'll show us, or even that Stephanie will tell who is the closest. I just want to make it even more memorable." She looked around. "An even bigger secret?" she asked.

Olivia nodded, eyes bigger. What could be a bigger secret than the party game?

"They're moving to Miami after the wedding. Helen doesn't know. I want my daughter to be so scandalized at me that she'll leave her daughter alone and not nag at her to move back."

"That might work," Olivia said thoughtfully. "I'm sure people will be talking about this wedding shower for years."

"Here's hoping," Edna nodded. "And, how about two feet of sausage?"

"Really?" Olivia blushed.

"Just for conversation," Edna cackled.

Olivia measured and weighed the sausage and handed the package to her. "Here you go."

Edna nodded. "Thanks." She started to turn away and then turned back. "Do you want to come? When Stephanie leaves town, there might be an opening at the bonds office you could talk to her about."

She paused. The whole day, she had been thinking about what direction she wanted her life to go. "I'd like that. See you tonight." Olivia wiped down and closed out the meat counter, possibly for the last time. And, was no longer bored.

FYI: From Men's Fitness:

**14. How does your penis measure up?**

The average length for a U.S. male is **5.1 inches**, which ranks us 18th worldwide, according to the _Journal Personality and Individual Differences_. (The Republic of Congo tops the list at 7.1 inches, while North and South Korea anchor the bottom at 3.8.)


End file.
